Home Entertainment The King’s Daughter: Pierce Brosnan’s cursed mermaid stabbing movie finally gets released

The King’s Daughter: Pierce Brosnan’s cursed mermaid stabbing movie finally gets released

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From its title alone, you could be forgiven for considering that The King’s Daughter is a movie a few king’s daughter. It isn’t. It’s about Pierce Brosnan’s berserk quest to attain immortality by stabbing a mermaid via the guts. True, there’s a king in it; and, sure, he does have a daughter. However I’ve to make this completely clear, it’s really a movie about Pierce Brosnan attempting to homicide a mermaid via the guts.

Clearly, there have been conferences about this. The King’s Daughter is an adaptation of Vonda McIntyre’s 1997 novel The Moon and the Solar; a novel that, it should be mentioned, gained the Nebula guide award forward of A Sport of Thrones on publication. However you may’t name a movie The Moon and the Solar, as a result of folks may inadvertently suppose they’re going to observe a movie concerning the precise moon and the precise solar. My intuition, given the subject material, would have as an alternative been to name it Pierce Brosnan Stabbing a Mermaid By the Coronary heart. That is partly as a result of it’s a exact description of what occurs within the movie, however primarily as a result of who wouldn’t need to watch a movie known as Pierce Brosnan Stabbing a Mermaid By the Coronary heart? Solely the very worst sort of fool, that’s who.

However no. They went with The King’s Daughter, as a result of one of many characters is the king’s daughter. That’s it. That’s the one purpose. It’s like renaming Planet of the Apes as Charlton Heston’s Shipmate, or The Terminator as A Good Leather-based Jacket. It’s pointless.

I’ve a concept about movies. The blander a film’s title, the extra it has most likely been messed round with in manufacturing. Tom Cruise as soon as made a movie with the (wonderful) working title of All You Want is Kill, however upon launch its identify was modified to Fringe of Tomorrow which – simply to present you an concept of its unattainable blandness – is actually taken from the lyrics of the Saved by the Bell: The College Years theme tune. Keep in mind Snakes on a Aircraft? That movie was practically launched as Pacific Air Flight 121, which is arguably the dullest mixture of phrases and letters in all of historical past.

So, judging by its title, you may suppose that The King’s Daughter has had a equally troubled manufacturing. And boy, has it ever. The movie spent 15 years attempting to get off the bottom below numerous studios with numerous administrators. It was lastly made in 2014 with director Sean McNamara, however then – simply three weeks earlier than its unique launch date in April 2015 – Paramount pulled the movie from its schedules with out rationalization. In brief, this film has sat on a shelf for the very best a part of a decade. It isn’t cinema, it’s a historic artefact.

You possibly can see how lengthy The King’s Daughter has been sitting in storage simply by its forged. Pierce Brosnan has lengthy since adopted the look of a horny silver Colonel Sanders, however right here he’s nonetheless within the midst of his brunette pomp. Fan Bingbing, who performs the mermaid, has had her whole profession blown up by a tax evasion scandal since capturing wrapped. Kaya Scodelario, who performs the king’s daughter, fell in love with co-star Benjamin Walker on the movie’s set. They’ve since married and had two youngsters collectively.

Now, clearly, the uncertainty surrounding this movie should have been galling for all concerned. Vonda McIntyre didn’t signal over the rights to her guide considering that it might dissolve into such a multitude. The actors didn’t need to make a movie that no one would see. Sean McNamara has remained prolific all through, directing movies corresponding to Aliens Ate My Homework and Child Geniuses and the House Child, however the entire affair should have left a mark on him.

The worst factor is that The King’s Daughter isn’t even that unhealthy. Once more, I must be clear, it isn’t good. It’s the kind of movie the place, one hour right into a film that’s entitled The King’s Daughter (and 58 minutes after the narrator has launched the king’s daughter by calling her “the king’s daughter”), the king’s daughter reacts to information that she is the king’s daughter with palpable “who might have presumably seen this coming?” Sixth Sense twist-level shock. However, nonetheless, it isn’t that unhealthy.

The King’s Daughter is ready in Versailles, and it was shot there too, so it intermittently appears to be like very lovely. Everybody within the forged is impossibly engaging. Brosnan performs Louis XIV as a kind of mid-70s Jagger, which is quite a lot of enjoyable. This isn’t a movie that’s completely with out advantage. And but occasions have conspired towards it, and it’s destined to be rapidly forgotten. However ask your self this: would that also be the case if that they had chosen to name it Pierce Brosnan Stabbing a Mermaid By the Coronary heart? Thought not.

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